Wednesday, May 28, 2014

an important quote

I was watching a quick TED talk today on living life for a resumé or for a eulogy. Towards the end of the talk, the speaker gave us this quote, from Reinhold Neibuhr in his 1952 book The Irony of American History.

Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore, we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, could be accomplish alone; therefore, we must be saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our own standpoint; therefore, we must be saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness.

Sometimes we get swept up into trying to create every moment so that it is perfect, to write every relationship fit for a Hollywood premier, and to accomplish everything at once. But it's important to remember that a it is just one moment, one person, and every step on the road to accomplishment that should be cherished. Realize that it's the journey we're on -- the journey that we have been on -- that pushes us forward and teaches us new lessons about ourselves and the people around us. The past teaches us hope, faith, love, and forgiveness though trial and error of the journey that we are all on.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

excerpt from untitled project

He snapped his fingers, the lights clicked off. He cleared out a place for his glasses on his nightstand, then flipped his radio to any station that was playing music. Tunes were the only thing that allowed him to wade past the transcendental half-sleep phase and into an actual sleep.

The boy settled in on his back and brought the covers up. A few minutes passed and he had sunk into that phase of half-awareness. The clock struck 11. The news guy on the radio said so.

He always wanted a grandfather clock so he could know what time it was on the hour. He knew someone who had one, but they weren't really friends. He just went to his house once and liked his clock. The news guy seemed more tolerable, anyway. His parents would have bought him one if he ever would have asked for one.

More shootings. A stabbing. Two house fires. A car crash. People were dying. He shook that descending phase and laid awake. Staring up at the ceiling.

"ROBIN!" he screamed, but not in fear. He didn't hear anything. He wasn't okay with waiting. "R O B I N!"

She came running across the hall. She was wearing those curls that she was in every night. She smelled of lotion which reminded him of honeysuckles. It was nice, but the boy knew she got it on sale. The boy suddenly realized how much he enjoyed that aroma.

"What the hell took you so long?" Roscoe said, annoyed.

"I was in bed, swee--"

Roscoe cut her off.

"People are dying," Roscoe exclaimed, as stoic as a teenager can be. The news segment was over but he gazed into the dim blue light of the alarm clock. 11:10.

"It's almost 11:11. Shut up."

Robin stood in the doorway. She looked disappointed, but she had to be there. Roscoe liked to think she signed some sort of contract saying she would wait for his 11:11 wishes. Roscoe broke the silence when the clock flipped to 11:12.

"There's something in the corner," Roscoe pointed towards his computer. "Go look."

Robin waded though his dirty t-shirts and pants with belts still in the loops -- he never took them out of his pair jeans unless he needed to. He usually just bought a new belt.

Robin couldn't see much, but "ROSCOE'S WETSUIT" bounced about the screen in silver block letters which helped light his desk. Roscoe set that as his screensaver because it was usually the default screensaver: what old people used. Old people were interesting to him. He had never even worn a wetsuit. Sometimes he laughed when he pictured his grandma in a wetsuit.

"There's nothing there," she said.

Roscoe lifted his head.

"Wha?"

"There is nothing over here."

"You aren't looking in the right places," he said as he buried his face back into his pillows. "Go look in the other corners. Then look again."

She looked around the room, trekking through the dirty laundry and CDs that laid across the floor.  Her bare foot stepped on something that wasn't the floor. She wished she could take the step back right when she laid her foot down. There was a loud squeak; the sound water can make when it makes contact with naked human skin in the right context. She brushed it off, then she started leaving.

"You need to clean your room. Good ni--"

"You need to clean my room," Roscoe said, words muffled by his pillows. "Look. Again."

"I have looked everywhere, Roscoe! You're too old for this. I can't be here for you forever," she snapped, and she kept walking out.

She looked back before she shut the door. She started to say something, but decided to leave it cracked instead.


When she went back to her room, Roscoe got up and closed the door. His door had to be closed. He couldn't let anyone in without at least the closure of knowing their voice.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Doors

As human beings, how do we resolve the inherited intentions between wanting to full realize our complete potential -- as individuals who stand with dignity -- and also resist the omnipotent tug of conformity, which lays a fair bed for each of our lives? How do we avoid succumbing to a zombified trance state of blindly following others in a herd, as sheep, or as hamsters running in hamster wheels?

The way we resolve that, I think, is by taking that plunge. Answer that call for individuality. Realize that there is no map to our lives. We do not need a leader. Become aware that reality is just a word, and we are not supposed to use it without quotation marks around it. We are all free to create our own reality.

But this is only ascertainable when we are bold enough to decondition the thinking of the human collective. As that collective, we all see open or closed doors. That's not the problem to freeing ourselves from the bounds of conformity. The problem is that we see doors.

There seems to be this linguistic tunnel that is symbolic of the framework that constructs our reality; a matrix pulled in front of our eyes, blinding each of us from ecstatic visions of what might be behind those walls. We are only larvae that have not yet transcended to butterflies yet.

Nietzsche said that those who are seen dancing are called insane by those who cannot hear the music. Jack Kerouac says, "the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars." At some point, to live, you have to separate yourself from the herd, without a leader. Stop seeing doors, and just walk.

- edits made 5/23/14 at